Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there is puke in my bra ... again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
