He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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