I'm lost and stupid without you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
