Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
