I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
