Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
