I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
