Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
