she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
