just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
