I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
