Only a mothe r could love this liver
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
