Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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