kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
