I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
