We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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