shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
