I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
