I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
