What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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