The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
