did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
