I'm so fucking centered right now
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
