I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
