Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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