dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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