She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
