That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
