Have you finally orgasmed yet?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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