Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize