I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
