i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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