Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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