You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
