At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
