All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
