Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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