Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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