I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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