just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.