She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.