oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
