Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
