; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
