Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
