Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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