why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
