i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
