Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need a burrito and a hug.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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