It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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