dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
