she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
