So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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