WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
