Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
