just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
