Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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