If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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