You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
