I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
