I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
