brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
