do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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