Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
