the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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