WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
